Dealing with the Past
by CaseyL
Summary: I think this will be a series of one shots based on a couple of topics I want to explore about things possibly coming up, or things I wish would come up. Mostly Rayna/Deacon.
1. Funeral

I know a few people have already written a take on "Lamar dies/Rayna breakdown," but I thought I'd try my hand at it too since it's been something I've been thinking about for a couple of weeks.

##

I don't even know why I'm here. Even before I found out about mom and Peggy we never got along. Since I was a child he fought who I was at every turn. Trying to keep me from music, keep me silent. I was too much like mom and I was probably an ever present reminder of the guilt that was constantly trying to hide deep down in a locked cavern of whatever he called a soul. I look over at Tandy, weeping in Bucky's arms. It was always so easy for Tandy. She was born in his mold, his golden child, and look how she turned out, just as heartless as him, turning him in to the feds for revenge. Her own father. I can't believe she's crying. What right does she have to cry for a man that had been lying to his children for all these years?

I turn to the side to look at Maddie and a twinge of guilt runs through me. I know I've lied to her for the last 13 years. Maybe I'm no better than him. Maybe I _am_ cut from the same cloth. I can feel Deacon's warm breath on my neck. It's cold outside and I know he's standing behind me. I don't want to turn around and see those sad sympathetic eyes looking back at me. I know I don't deserve them. I feel him move forward and my body tightens as I fear he's about to touch me, and today I don't want to be touched, especially by him. I don't want to feel anything and deep down I know that the mere touch of his hand, wisp of his fingers against mine will elicit a thousand different emotions in every inch of my body that I won't be able to control.

I'm mostly relieved and yet secretly a little bit jealous when I realize he's stepped forward to take Maddie's slender hand, not mine in his own. I hear her sniffle and I'm actually glad he's here for her because I know I don't have it in me to play the role of the comforting mom today. I love my girls, and I'd do anything for them, hell, they're the reason I'm at this funeral, but that's as much as I can give when it comes to the day I'm putting my sad excuse for a father in the ground.

Juliette stands on the other side of me. I know she's only here because I went to her mother's funeral, but I'm glad she's here anyway. She doesn't look at me with sad eyes, she doesn't expect me to grieve. She knows the exhaustion and bitterness of dealing with a parent who isn't a parent at all. She reaches out and grabs a rose attempting to hand it to me. I wave it off. That man doesn't deserve a flower so lovely laid upon his grave. She gives a shrug and puts it on the casket herself.

Finally the minister has said his last remarks, all that about dust to dust and ashes to ashes, and I can't even bother listening. Everyone steps forward to take the shovel and put one last scoop of dirt on his casket as it's lowered into the ground. This I'll do. He deserves to be buried six feet under with cold dry dirt covering every inch of him. Teddy passes me the shovel as he picks Daphne up and I scoop a large pile sending it flying onto the top of the growing mound below. I look down and I feel nothing, not one bit of emotion for that man.

##

Back at the house I stare out into the night as everyone mulls around the living room offering up condolences to each other as if they'll all miss him. They're all hypocrites and liars. None of them liked him. Not one of them. Well maybe the girls, but none of the adults had one good word to say about him when he was alive, and they would have been right. I can't partake. I refuse to be a hypocrite. I'm not going to stand there in my living room in front of my girls and pretend that I feel an ounce of sadness over his death. He was a bad man, a murdered. Why should I feel anything for him?

I see Teddy hand Tandy a tissue as she cries and I can't stand to be with them anymore. I can't even look at them. I leave without even excusing myself. I head to the music room, my refuge and shut the doors behind me. As I walk through the room I notice a glass figurine that sits on top of the piano. It's a sphere with a pressed flower inside: a light pink rose bud. Daddy had brought it back for me from a business trip when I couldn't have been more than seven. I remember how excited I was. He'd been gone a week and I'd missed him more than anything. Every night I'd stand by the window and ask my mother if tonight was the night he was coming home and she'd help me count down the days by pulling a petal off of a rose. She must have told daddy because when he got back from San Francisco he'd brought me the glass sphere.

I'd thrown my arms around him and buried myself in his chest and he'd called me his sweet Ray of light. I was so happy, so full of love. As the memory passes through my mind I can feel the burning from deep down inside of me start to swell in the corners of my eyes. I don't want to cry, I can't cry. I feel the first tear roll down my cheek and I'm not just sad, I'm angry. So angry that he's taken that perfect day away from me. That he's smothered it with lies and deceit. The burning sensation in my eyes takes over my whole body causing me to uncontrollably convulse. Then it somehow channels itself through my arm. I don't even remember picking up the sphere and throwing it at the wall. All I know is that to me it is the ultimate symbol of all the pretty little lies, and I can't bear to look at it anymore. I want it to smash to smithereens like he has smashed the last remaining ties to my family.

By the time Deacon walks in I'm sitting in a heap on the floor, my hair stringy, tears pouring down my face, dripping into puddles on the wood. I look up at him, his eyes so kind and full of concern it makes me cry even more. I don't want him to see me like this, I don't want him to know I am weak, but more than anything I don't want him to go.

He walks over to me, crouching down beside me. He pulls me into his arms and lets me sob on his white dress shirt. He softly kisses my head and strokes my hair.

"It's okay Ray, it's going to be okay."

The feeling of his arms around me after all this time apart is too much to handle. I pull him towards me burying my face in his neck, inhaling his scent. God he smells so good. This makes me cry even more, since all I can think about is everything I have lost this year. Finally I manage to croak some words out between sobs.

"I'm so tired Deacon, so tired of all the lies in this family."

"I know Ray," Deacon says as he pulls me closer moving his hand down to gently stroke soothing circles on my back.

"I just want them to stop. I want all of it to stop."

I can feel the exhaustion overtake me and I go limp in Deacon's arms. He kisses my forehead and then starts to get up. The loss of his arms around me makes me shiver inside, and I look up at him with what must be wild eyes.

"Shh," he says. Then he leans down and scoops me up into his arms like he used to do when I had fallen asleep on the couch after a long night of writing songs, and he'd have to carry me to our bed. This time is no different. I once again bury my face in his chest so I don't even notice when everyone stares at us as he climbs the stairs being careful not to bump me against the narrow walls.

When we reach the bedroom he lays me on the bed and reaches down to take off my shoes. When he is done he takes off his own and climbs onto the bed beside me. Then he pulls me back into his arms like he had downstairs.

"You need some sleep Ray."

I wrap my arms around his body and bury my head in his neck trying to recapture the scent that never failed to calm every frayed nerve in my body.

"Don't leave me, please."

"I'm not going anywhere Rayna, I'm here." He pulls me in tighter and shuts off the light. I barely notice when the girls show up peering in, but I can see Daphne's petite silhouette hanging in the doorway, backlit by the light of the hallway.

"Can we come in?" she asks.

"Of course," I hear Deacon reply.

"Is mom okay?" Maddie asks.

"She's going to be fine, she's just sad about your Paw Paw that's all."

Daphne climbs onto the bed wedging herself between myself and Deacon, and Maddie follows. Deacon wraps his arms around all of us pulling us close so we are one unit tangled up in each other. If I stop to think about it, it's the safest and most content I've felt in a long time, maybe ever. I pull Daphne against me as her blond locks fall against my chest, and I rest my head against Deacon's. In the matter of a week everything I've known about my family has been torn asunder and I'm not sure where I will go from here. Deacon belongs to Megan, I'm with Luke, but right now, in this moment, my family is lying in this bed wrapped together, and that's all I need. I let out a soft sigh as my eyes close and I finally drift off to sleep.


	2. Revelations part 1

**This is loosely based on some upcoming Rayna/Deacon spoilers I got through the grapevine. So beware if you're avoiding those.**

**##**

Rayna sat in the center of her kitchen with Bucky and Tandy and the rest of her PR team. The girls were upstairs in their rooms, Daphne because she wanted to play her new Taylor Swift album, Maddie because she was grounded. Rayna knew she should have paid more attention to all the twittering and Facebooking that the kids these days were doing, but truthfully she didn't really get it, and tried to avoid it at all costs.

When she'd seen the video of Maddie singing _Believing_ at first she didn't really understand. She'd just thought that Maddie had recorded herself singing, and had the video on her phone. But when she saw everyone at the venue playing it on their phones she realized that Maddie must have posted it Justin Bieber style on YouTube.

This had come on the tail end of a full month of Maddie begging not only Rayna, but also Teddy, and then finally Deacon to let her start playing local venues. All three said no, but it was mostly coming from Rayna's direction. "You're too young Maddie, you don't know what it's like out there," Rayna responded repeatedly. "I told you that when you finish high school you can play wherever you'd like, but until then you're not a professional."

Rayna wasn't pleased with Maddie's YouTube debut, but that's not why she was grounded. Apparently a pretty teen with a nice voice can only get so many views, where a pretty teen with a nice voice who's the secret love child of Rayna Jaymes and Deacon Claybourne can hit 250,000 views in under 5 hours. The press had been hounding them ever since, and Maddie had been confined to her room when she wasn't at school.

"You should make a statement," Tandy said. "They're not going to go away until you make a statement."

"A joint statement," one of the PR women followed.

"I think that's a great idea," Teddy interjected. "You and I will just get up there and explain the whole situation."

"Oh no, I meant with Deacon, it should really come from Rayna and Deacon."

"Oh, yeah I guess." Teddy sat back down on the couch slightly dejected.

Rayna stood up waving her hand. "Oh no, he's never going to agree to that. You know how private Deacon is. What would we even say?"

"You just tell the truth Rayna," Tandy started. "You and Deacon were together for 11 years, he had a problem with alcohol, you got pregnant, and you realized he wouldn't make a good father, so you married Teddy to give your daughter a better life."

"I can't say that Tandy. That's no one's business."

"The press has got the story Rayna, and none of the facts. If you don't tell people the truth they're going to imagine a lot worse, and most of that is going to be about you. You can't afford that as a woman who relies on fans for a living. Especially with a new business that you're trying to promote. I've already heard stories that you were cheating on Teddy with Deacon for your whole marriage. I even saw one story that claimed Daphne is Deacon's too."

"She's not, is she?" one of the PR chicks chimed in.

"I'm not even going to justify that with an answer," Rayna said exasperated.

"I know this is tough babe, but it's the best thing for you, and it's the best thing for Maddie," Tandy said. "The sooner this whole situation is defused the better for everyone."

Rayna sat back down and sighed. "I know you're right, but Deacon isn't going to be happy about going on national TV telling people he's an alcoholic."

"Do you want me to talk to him Ray?" Bucky asked.

"Thanks Buck, but I have to be the one to talk to him. I'm the one who got us in this situation all those years ago. I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences."

##

Rayna walked up to Deacon's porch and paused before knocking on the familiar front door. Even now, more than 14 years after she'd moved out of the house it still felt like hers, and it was odd every time she had to knock on her own front door. Part of her hoped he wasn't there and she could just tell her team that she couldn't find him and she'd have to do the press conference alone. She was about to turn back and head towards the car when she heard him shuffling inside and the door opened.

"Hey Ray." Deacon peered out cautiously looking behind Rayna out into the street. She guessed that the press had not only been camped out at her house this week. "Come on in."

Deacon showed her in and shut the door behind her. "So how's Maddie doing with all this?"

Rayna sat down on the couch dropping her purse on the table. "Well, considering she's the one who started it all, pretty well I guess. Just so you know she's grounded until further notice."

"Yeah, I figured something like that." Rayna looked up at Deacon. He didn't look like the upbeat version of himself that she'd seen the last few weeks. If she hadn't been able to tell the difference after over a decade of repeated practice, she would have thought that he was hung over, but she knew him well enough to realize that the bags under his eyes were alcohol free. He just hadn't been sleeping.

"Press hounding you too?"

"Yeah, until today. My friend Larry might have helped them decide to be somewhere else by leaving some presents in their cars."

"I won't even ask," Rayna said laughing.

"It's not that I care if anyone knows. I love Maddie, and I'm proud that she's my daughter, but you know me, I'm not the kind of guy who likes to drag my family business all over the papers."

"I know Deacon." Rayna paused for a minute fiddling with her sleeve before looking up into his big blue eyes. "That's why I know what I'm going to ask you isn't going to be easy for you, but I think it's really the best thing for Maddie."

Deacon looked at her, confusion covering his chiseled features. "What are you asking Ray?"

"Well my team thinks that the best way to diffuse this situation is to make a statement, a joint statement with me and you."

"What more is there to say Ray? It's already been announced that I'm Maddie's father."

"I know, but there are a lot of lies flying around about it and I think it's better to tell the truth."

Deacon started to understand and all of a sudden his demeanor changed. Rayna could always tell when that switch was flipped inside of him and his gentle nature gave way to anger, and she was sure she'd just seen it. "Tell the truth? You mean tell everyone that I was a loser alchie who couldn't take care of my family, so you gave my child to some complete stranger to raise. Is that what you mean by the truth?"

Rayna could tell how upset Deacon was getting and tried to calm him down. "No Deacon, we wouldn't say it like that. We'd just say that you had some personal problems back then that stopped you from being the father that we both wanted for Maddie and so you and Teddy and I decided that he and I would raise her as our own."

"Are you kidding me? You want to make it seem like I _chose_ to give up my daughter? That I _chose_ to abandon her to another man for all these years?" As Deacon's agitation continued to grow it began to scare Rayna.

"I just think it would be easier for everyone that way Deacon, if everyone thinks it was a logical decision that we all came to. It's less scandalous."

"You mean it makes _you_ look better that way. No one can know that you lied to the father of your child, the man you claimed to love, for 13 years, but the whole world should instead think that I'm a degenerate who abandoned my family."

Rayna panicked, this was going much worse than she could have ever imagined and she wasn't sure what to say. "Deacon, no I don't mean that. Wait, what do you mean claim to love?"

"All those years Ray, all those years I thought you loved me. You knew what kind of family I came from Ray, an abusive alcoholic father, my sister Beverly, and our mother in and out of mental hospitals. You knew all I wanted was a family of my own, something normal, like the Douglas' had who lived next door where the mom and dad came home and sat by the fire, and played music, and built snowmen. You knew I wanted that more than anything and you took that from me Rayna. You didn't even give me the chance to _try_ to be a good dad. I would have been a good dad Rayna, I would of sobered up if you'd told me about the baby, hell I did sober up and I didn't even know about Maddie. All those years I was sober you could have told me, and you didn't. Not only didn't you tell me, you didn't even apologize when I found out. I didn't even mean enough to you to say you were sorry."

By this point Rayna was crying. She could see how much she'd hurt him and it killed her, but she wasn't sure what she could say to make it better.

"When everything in my life was complete shit Rayna, and it felt like I had nothing, the one thing Ray that I always thought was true was that you loved me…but you couldn't have loved me and done that to me Ray. You couldn't have loved me and lied to me all those years."

Tears continued to stream down Rayna's face. "I do love you Deacon. I love you so much. I know you don't believe that, but it's the truth. I never wanted to hurt you Deacon, I just thought I was doing what was right at the time for our little girl."

Deacon turned away so he wasn't looking at Rayna and started to fiddle with a guitar. "Why don't you go do the press conference with Luke. He'll probably be spending more time with Maddie then I get to anyway."

Rayna was a little confused as to why he was bringing up Luke. Obviously there were other things bubbling to the surface right now, but she had to concentrate on mending what she'd just ripped enough to get the two of them to the press conference in one piece. "This isn't about Luke Deacon. He's not a part of our family. This is about you, and me, and Maddie, and the two of us need you right now. We need you to be there for us. Show me that you'd do anything for us Deacon. Prove that I was wrong all those years, prove that you would have stepped up."

"So I'm the one who keeps paying, I'm the one who gets sacrificed? No thank you. I think it's time for you to leave Ray." Deacon walked to the door and opened it without looking at Rayna.

She wiped the tears from her face with her sleeve then picked up her purse before walking to the door. Just as she was about to walk out she paused. "Just think about it Deacon. Please just do this for me, for us." Rayna continued out the door and barely made it to the edge of the porch before the door slammed behind her. Rayna took a deep breath and headed home.

##

When she arrived at her house Luke was waiting for her there. He could tell that she'd been crying. He rushed over to wrap his arms around her, but she pulled away.

"What's wrong Rayna? What happened?" Luke asked.

"I tried to talk to Deacon, to get him to give a statement with me about Maddie, but he's so mad at me. I thought he was over it after the accident. He seemed to be past being angry with me, but I guess he was just pushing those feelings down, and this whole situation just brought them to the surface."

"So, you do the press conference yourself. You'll be fine. You're good at those kind of things, and if Deacon is mad at you forever, then he's mad at you. Why does it matter?"

Rayna looked at him with shock in her eyes. "He's Maddie's father Luke. I see him all the time. How could I do that if he was always mad at me?"

"He's an ex Rayna. You think my ex likes me? Every time I drop the kids off at her place I have to deal with the residual anger from our divorce being directed at me. You cope with it and hope that one day it will dissipate."

Rayna shook her head. "Deacon and I aren't you and your ex-wife. We've always been friends since we were teens, even through the worst of our fights. He's…I just couldn't take it if he hated me. It would be like a part of me hating myself."

Luke looked at Rayna lost in her own private hell thinking about life completely without Deacon. There was something gnawing at him from inside telling him that this right here, this conversation, was a bad sign of things to come for them, but he pushed it away while he softly stroked her hair. "It's going to be okay Rayna, I promise."


	3. Revelations part 2

**I know these are supposed to be one shots, but I felt like the last chapter needed a part 2. Probably more optimistic and fluffier than the show will actually go, but I needed something more positive in light of the fact that Luke is sticking around for next season as Rayna's beau. **

##

Luke knew he should probably stay out of this, but he loved Rayna and he wanted to try all he could to fix this situation for her. He'd heard from a buddy of his down at Soundcheck that Deacon was laying down a bonus track for his live album today in studio 6.

When he wandered into the room Deacon was practicing a guitar solo that came after the bridge. He asked the producer if they could have a minute and the man made his excuses. Luke took off his cowboy hat, holding it in his hand, then walked into the booth. Deacon had seen him walk in but he hoped he would take the hint and go away when he saw Deacon continuing to play. He knew why he was there, but the last thing he wanted was to talk to Luke Wheeler about Rayna. He was aware she was with him now, but he'd been going on the principal that if neither he nor Rayna ever talked about it, it couldn't be too serious, but that's how their relationship had always been. Even when she was married to Teddy they barely brought him up in their intimate conversations unless she needed a shoulder to cry on. When he realized Luke wasn't taking the hint he put down his pick and looked up through the window.

"What are you doing here Wheeler? What, did she send you to do her bidding?"

"No sir, she doesn't even know I'm here. Would probably kill me if she knew. She's always hating it when I poke my nose into her business, but you see I care for her, so sometimes I just have to anyway. You know what that's like, right?"

Deacon made a grumbling sound and looked back up at Luke. "Fine, say what you're going to say and then get out." He continued tuning his guitar as Luke spoke.

"I just think you need to reconsider joining Rayna in the press conference. I know you think she's being selfish wanting you to admit your past issues, but she's not like that, she's really only doing what's best for Maddie and the family as a whole." Luke stood fast, but Deacon's withering glare made him falter just a moment and he noticed he was squeezing the brim of his hat a little harder than he should have.

Deacon shook his head and rubbed his stubble. He could feel the anger welling up inside of him, but he tried to keep a cap on his explosive nature and managed to maintain his voice just below a yell.

"You think because you've been dating Rayna for six months that you have some insight into what's right for her, and for _our_ relationship with _our_ daughter? Come back to me after you've been in her life for _30 years_."

Luke knew Deacon was right. He'd known that the two of them had some sort of relationship lasting longer than most people's marriages, but he hadn't realized until today how strong that bond still was. He considered for a moment that maybe Rayna had purposely been keeping that from him. He'd always felt like she was holding back a little, not really letting him in all the way, and now he was starting to see why.

He'd assumed that when they'd broken up 14 years ago they'd drifted apart. He'd known that Deacon was in her band for most of that time, but hell, he wasn't that close with his lead guitarist, he really didn't stop to think how their relationship would be different.

"I'm not trying to tell y'all what to do, but I am a dad and I know that sometimes that means doing things that you're not comfortable doing because it's what's best for your kid. I'm just saying you don't want to look back on this situation and feel like you let Maddie down as a dad. I'm not saying you are, I'm just saying you don't want to feel like that."

Luke raised his Stetson and perched it back on his head. I said my piece, you can do whatever you want." With that he walked out the door leaving Deacon contemplating all the ways his world had been turned upside down in the last year.

##

Rayna stood by the podium looking out at the crowd of reporters. If anyone could have seen behind it they would have noticed her leg slightly shaking as it bumped against the wooden panel. She looked back at Luke, Tandy, and Bucky standing off to the side and gave them a weak smile. Then a man from channel 5 came up to her and adjusted the mic. "Are you ready Rayna? We're going live in 30."

"Sure Bill, just give me the signal."

As a wave of nausea threatened to derail the conference, Rayna felt someone brush against her left shoulder. When she turned to look there he was standing right beside her. "I thought you weren't coming?"

"You wanted me here, I'm here."

"Thanks Deacon."

"Don't thank me. I'm not doing this for you Ray, I'm doing it for Maddie. You can go to hell for all I care."

Rayna swallowed hard and turned back to the crowd of journalists waiting to hear their announcement. She'd hoped that his anger had mellowed like it usually did when it came to her, but his present mood gave her little hope of that. All of a sudden Bill gave the cue and they knew they were on the air.

Rayna spoke first. "We're just going to give a joint statement, and that's it. No press questions." She gave a quick side-glance over at Deacon, took a deep breath, and then began. "14 years ago Deacon Claybourne and I were at the end of our 11 year relationship when I discovered I was pregnant with our daughter Maddie." Rayna paused a moment and looked back at Deacon. Their eyes met and despite the fight they were having she could still feel all the love that was between them. She remembered all the times he'd been there for her: when her dad died, when she'd divorced Teddy, when she had the flu on the road and he'd stayed up till two in the morning holding her hair while she vomited. She knew that keeping Maddie a secret from him had hurt him in unspeakable ways, ways she'd never even considered until she was faced with them head on. As she took in the lines of his weathered face, many that she knew she'd caused, she realized that she just couldn't hurt him any further.

She turned back to the crowd and continued. "I had already started to date Teddy Conrad by the time I found out I was pregnant and I told Teddy, and he and I made the decision to raise Maddie as our own. It wasn't until this last year that Deacon became aware that he was Maddie's father, but since then he has been a wonderful father to her and she loves him very much." She smiled at Deacon and he smiled back and softly mouthed "Thanks Ray," so no one could hear him but her.

When the press conference was over Rayna's PR team approached her. "That was great Rayna. You two really did a nice job up there."

"Thanks guys." Rayna turned back to acknowledge Deacon, but he had left the podium. She saw him off in the distance wandering back towards his truck. "Hey guys, I'll see you back at the house. I just need to talk to Deacon for a moment."

Rayna ran off and left Luke, Tandy and her team staring after her. She caught up with Deacon just as he was about to pull away, and put a hand out to stop him. He put the truck back in park and rolled down the glass. Rayna walked up to the driver's side and leaned on his open window.

"Hey, that was good right?" Rayna looked at him with hopeful eyes.

Deacon sighed. "It was fine Ray. It's as fine as it's ever going to be."

Rayna could see that he was still upset, but wasn't sure why. "I thought you'd be happy that we didn't have to say anything about you being an alcoholic and not being able to take care of Maddie?"

"Yeah, that was fine. It's just…it's embarrassing for me Rayna. To admit to the world that the woman I loved all those years didn't want me raising our child. That she thought someone she barely knew at the time would make a better father to our daughter. Everyone knows that you've kept me around in your band the last decade, keeping me close. I must really look like such a fool. Hanging around all those years like a lovesick puppy dog with you raising our child right under my nose with someone else."

"Nobody thinks you're a fool Deacon, people aren't going to think that way."

Deacon looked down and shook his head. "Well, maybe it's just me, but I feel like a fool. I want to forgive you Rayna, I do, I just can't quite yet." Rayna started to talk again, trying to convince him that he was being silly, but he had already shifted back into gear and was barreling down the road before she had time to object.

##

Rayna showed up at Luke's house for their evening dinner date. Truth be told she really wasn't up to company, but with everything that had gone on the last few days she knew she'd been neglecting him, and she thought she owed it to him to show up.

When she arrived she was expecting his usual burst of energy and a big kiss, but instead he just walked her in and sat her down on the couch.

"How'd it go with Deacon?" he asked.

Rayna shrugged not wanting to get into the details of their relationship with Luke. "Fine I guess. He's still mad, but at least he's speaking to me."

"I'm sure it's gonna get better. He never could stay mad at you for long."

Luke sat across from her taking her hands in his own. "Can I talk with you about something?"

Rayna wasn't sure what this was about so she nodded her head cautiously. She looked into his kind blue eyes and couldn't quite read the expression.

"When I was young, maybe 20 or 21 I made my way to Nashville. I was so excited to jump into the music business, I was hitting up every local honky tonk trying to sell myself to whatever club owner or music exec would take me. One day I walked into a bar down on Broadway and there was a couple playing there, couldn't been more than my age, real young, but they didn't seem it when they played. They just had everyone in the whole place entranced. I'd never seen two people more in sync up on stage. Not only was their music beautiful, but just the way they looked at each other, it was as if there was no one else in the world, and in that moment I thought to myself, that's what I want."

Rayna looked back at him with confusion in her eyes. "Where are you going with this Luke?"

"Do you know who those two people were Rayna?" She shook her head slowly still trying to grasp his meaning. "It was you and Deacon."

Rayna looked away, not sure what he was trying to illustrate with this story.

"When we started dating I thought, I'm finally going to know what it feels like to be in that moment from all those years ago, to have that woman look at me like there's no one else in the world. There's only one thing I didn't take into account…"

"What's that?" Rayna asked.

"I'm not Deacon."

Rayna opened her mouth to say something but Luke held up his hand. "I saw that look today Rayna, and it was just the same as it was all those years ago, and right then I knew that there ain't ever going to be anyone for you but him."

Rayna stood up pacing the room. "Luke, you're being silly. Deacon and I, we can barely stand each other these days."

"You know that's not true Rayna."

"Well even if it's not, we just don't work. We've tried so hard and it always ends up with us hurting each other."

"Well I guess you just haven't tried hard enough."

"That's strange advice coming from my boyfriend."

"I'm not Teddy Rayna. I'm not going to spend 14 years trying to convince you to love me more than Deacon. I'm secure enough to know when I need to park my truck elsewhere."

Rayna sat back down, cradling her head in her hands.

"You two have something special, something that a lot of people would kill to have. I just think it'd be a shame if you spend the rest of your lives trying to fight it."

Rayna picked her head up. "So I'm guessing this is the end for us?"

"I think it's for the best, don't you?"

Rayna couldn't really argue with him. In her heart of hearts she knew that he was right, there would never be anyone else for her but Deacon…no matter how hard she worked at denying it.

She walked up to Luke softly kissing him on the cheek. "You're a real good guy you know that?"

"I've heard that a time or two."

"Well you're going to make some lucky woman a great catch someday."

"Thanks Rayna. Good luck with everything. I'll be seeing you around."

"Oh, I'm sure you will. I think Maddie's taken a real liking to Colt. I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of each other than we'd like."

"Teenagers. We should probably keep an eye on them."

"Well Maddie's going to be grounded until she turns 18 so it's going to be a real close eye."

They both laughed, and then Rayna turned to exit. As she reached her car a wave of relief passed over her. She knew it was the right decision. There was really no one she'd rather be with than Deacon. Now if she could only convince Deacon of that.

##

A few days later Rayna was boarding a private plane for Phoenix to see Scarlett and Juliette perform. Now that Juliette was on her label it seemed like the perfect double bill. When she was picking Maddie up from Deacon's yesterday she'd offered an olive branch and invited him to fly out with her to hear Scarlett play. She was both surprised and overjoyed when he agreed.

Her joy subsided however when they got on the plane and she realized that he planned to give her the silent treatment. She'd seen this behavior plenty of times before from him, but today she decided that she was having none of it. She crossed the private plane after take off and sat down beside Deacon on the couch. She continued to stare at him without taking her eyes off of his face for a second. Deacon could sense her, but was trying to remain calm despite how awkward he was beginning to feel. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and turned towards her. "What?!"

"Oh, so you can talk?" Rayna gave him one of her slyest smiles.

Deacon softened a little realizing how silly he was being. "Yeah, I learned that when I was a baby."

There was so much that needed to be said between them, but for right now Rayna tried her hand at small talk. "You excited about the Juliette/Scarlett double bill?"

"Yeah, it'll be nice to hear Juliette perform instead of being up on stage with her. I think Scarlett will be good opening act for her, but I'm surprised that you pulled her from Luke's tour. I thought you two would come up with any excuse to spend time together?"

Rayna glanced sideways at Deacon, then back towards the front of the plane. "We broke up."

Deacon arched his eyebrow before commenting. "Oh really? Why's that?"

Rayna was sheepish in her response, she didn't really want to get into the details with Deacon. "I don't know, I guess he just got tired of waiting for me to fall in love with him. So he left me."

"Seems like everyone leaves you cause of that. Maybe someday you'll actually learn how to love someone back."

Rayna shot him a look. She couldn't believe he'd just said that to her. She knew she was trying to mend things between them, but she couldn't help herself, and the anger started to rise up within her. "Don't you dare Deacon, don't you act like I've never loved someone. You want to know why Luke really left me? Why Teddy ended our marriage? Why Liam knew he'd never be more than a fling? Because of _you_ Deacon. Cause all of them knew that I'd never come close to loving them the way I love you. You can think all you want that because I didn't tell you about Maddie it means that I never loved you, but that doesn't make it true. I love you with all my heart, and always will, so don't you dare tell me that I've never loved someone."

The smirk fell away from Deacon's face and he got quiet again. After a minute he finally spoke. "I'm sorry Ray. I guess I do know that you love me, but it's real hard for me to understand why you did what you did. When I think about how much I love you, I just couldn't imagine doing anything like that to you."

"And I guess I couldn't understand why you chose to destroy us by drinking again when you found out about Maddie." Rayna relaxed back into the couch leaning her head against the pillow. "So we both love each other more than anything, but we can't seem to understand each other's actions. Where does that leave us?"

Deacon leaned back as well and looked over at her. "I thought that's why we broke up, why we're staying away from each other?"

"Is it?" Rayna said in barely a whisper. "I can't even remember anymore." She turned her head to look into his eyes and his face was barely a couple of inches away from hers. Their gaze locked and Rayna noticed that both of them were breathing a little heavier than they were a moment ago. Suddenly Deacon reached over with his left and hand and pulled her head towards him taking her mouth with his own. He caught Rayna off guard and she responded with a little moan of surprise and delight. It had only been a few months since they'd last kissed, but she'd been trying so hard to forget how good his lips tasted that the intense feeling of them pressed against hers made her head spin.

Rayna responded running her hands up into his hair and kissing him back with equal amounts of passion and tenderness. They could both feel the fire rising up within them as their kisses deepened. In a rough motion that seemed almost desperate Deacon pulled Rayna onto his lap so she was straddling him. She started to unbutton his shirt as their tongues battled in each other's mouths. By the time she'd made it to the bottom button Deacon's mouth had moved to her neck and was sucking on the spot right by her throat which nearly made her come every time he hit it.

She could feel him growing beneath her and she ground her hips against him with more force in anticipation of what she knew was to come. "Oh god babe, you're so hard," she said breathlessly. Deacon's hands slid from Rayna's back down to her sides and then the front of her stomach unbuttoning her pants. Then he quickly slid them back around and down under the fabric so he could cup her ass and pull it full force against him. "Do you like that?" He whispered into her ear. "Feeling how much I'm aching for you."

Rayna was so turned on that she could barely answer so she just nodded her head in response. All she knew was that there was far too much fabric between herself and Deacon for her liking. She pulled her hands out of his hair and lifted her sweater over her head revealing her bra. She started to reach around her back to remove it, but Deacon was lightning fast and beat her to it. He slid his mouth over her chest taking the softness of her mounds into his mouth as he gently removed the remaining fabric obscuring them. Rayna moaned again when he ran his teeth over her nipple and she pulled his head closer to her.

Once again Rayna felt Deacon pull her hard towards him, but this time he stood up and flipped Rayna so she was now lying on her back on the couch. He reached down and quickly pulled her pants and underwear off in one impressive move that seemed to include her high heels as well. He leaned down to kiss her pressing the full weight of his body against her. Rayna took in the feel of him on top of her before trying to make some space between them so she could unbutton his pants. She fumbled with the belt as he continued to sweep kisses across her face and shoulders, but he was pressed too close to her for her to get it undone. "You think I can get some help with this?" she asked. "Patience is a virtue Ms. Jaymes," he responded before sitting up on his knees. He quickly undid the belt that she was having so much trouble with then pulled his pants down far enough so he was free from the confines of his boxers. Rayna reached out stroking him a couple of times, then she sat up so she could take him fully in her mouth. Deacon moaned the moment her hot lips made contact with his sensitive flesh. "Shit Ray that feels amazing." Rayna continued to suck and tease for a few minutes before slowly planting kisses up his stomach and on his muscular chest. Deacon tightened his grip on her bending her head back so he had access to her lips then pressing her back against the cushions of the couch. Rayna wrapped her legs around him as he came crashing down on top of her. Deacon kept one hand entangled in her hair then ran the other between her legs opening her up. "You're so wet. Is that for me?"

"You know it is," he got in response. His fingers dipped inside of her a couple of times. He could see the desire burning in her eyes as she looked up at him. He wanted to draw it out, make her long for him until she couldn't take it anymore, but his own raging desire got the best of him and before he knew it he'd removed his fingers and pressed into her with all that he had. Rayna let out a loud moan. "mmm, oh yes," she said breathlessly. She reached around grabbing his ass and pulling him into her as deeply as she could. Deacon let out a moan of his own and picked up the pace of his thrusts. "God baby I've missed you so much." All of a sudden Deacon stilled himself inside of her and buried his head in Rayna's hair. "What's wrong babe?" Rayna asked.

Deacon pulled back a bit so he could look into Rayna's eyes and she noticed that his were glistening a bit. "It's just, the last time that I held you, you were dying in my arms." Rayna could see the tears starting to form at the corner of Deacon's eyes and she reached up to brush them away. "I'm fine Deacon, I'm right here. I'm alive." He reached down and started to tenderly kiss her cheeks and her nose. "I know…I just never thought I would ever hold you again, and the feeling of being this close to you…it's overwhelming baby." Rayna pulled him towards her taking his bottom lip in between hers and sucking on it hard. "I love you, and I'm yours, and I'm not going anywhere. Okay?"

Deacon nodded his head and Rayna smiled up at him. "Good, now remind me how good it feels when you make me come."

Deacon smiled back, "Oh I'm going to do more than remind you, I'm going to make you come so hard you're not going to be able to think about anything else, ever."

"Promise?"

Deacon responded by moving his body in just the right way to send waves of pleasure all through Rayna's core. Then he picked up the pace again bringing them both to a point where all they could remember were each other's names, and they screamed them out not caring if the pilot up front could hear the tell tale signs of their ecstasy.

When they finally collapsed in a heap on the couch Deacon pulled Rayna into his arms and softly stroked her hair as she ran her fingers over his chest. They both listened to the hum of the plane motor until Deacon finally spoke. "So, a Juliette/Scarlett double bill. What could be more exciting than that?" They both fell into fits of laughter as the plane continued to coast its way towards the southwest.


	4. Realizations

**Another one shot. Just some ideas for a finale cliffhanger. Hopefully the season finale is not the series finale.**

Deacon sat in the leather chair in his house. Everyone was still celebrating at the venue, but he was sunken into the worn leather, lamp knocked over, pillows strewn about the floor. He slid his fingers in an almost caress over the creased picture of Maddie that had been in his wallet for the last year. He knew that at that moment it was probably the only thing that was keeping him from getting in his truck and picking up a six-pack and a bottle of Jim Beam before heading up to the cabin.

He tried the deep breathing techniques that they'd taught him at AA. A deep breath or two could change everything, that's what they'd always said, but with every shaky breath it just brought his thoughts back to where he stood an hour ago at Rayna and Juliette's concert.

_He'd been with Maddie, he'd been happy._ _They were watching Rayna and Juliette perform, his arm slung casually over Maddie's shoulder, Daphne clinging to him the way the little girl always did. It was times like those that he felt like he had a real family, that it was he and the girls watching their mamma before they all headed home to their house… together. He had accepted months ago that there would be no future like that for he and Rayna, but every once in a while, in moments like the one tonight, he'd subconsciously let himself hope again._

_He looked towards Maddie when he saw Luke joining Rayna and Juliette out on stage to see if his daughter had any idea what Luke was planning, but the girl looked as intrigued as everyone else in the stadium. It still stung a little whenever he saw Rayna out there on stage with someone else, but for the most part he'd gotten used to seeing her there with Luke. He was prepared for it, but he wasn't prepared for what came next. Luke had gotten down on one knee and pulled out an engagement ring the size of a small grapefruit. It shined so bright that the glare coming off of the jumbotron nearly blinded everyone watching. Deacon could hear the oohs and ahs of the audience, could see them holding their breath with anticipation of her answer. Deacon just couldn't breath. All the months of telling himself that he was moving on, that he didn't need her anymore, that she wasn't his, in that moment he realized that he was no closer to that than he had been any of the 5000 or so days since she'd walked out on him after throwing his own ring on the floor of their cabin._

_His eyes were glued to Rayna, just like the rest of the crowd. He could tell she seemed a little nervous looking down at Luke, then back out at the crowd. He got a small smirk on his face at the thought of her turning him down in front of 50,000 onlookers. He liked Luke well enough, but he'd always felt there was something a little fake about the guy that rubbed him the wrong way. _

Deacon took another deep breath and turned the photo over in his hand. He saw Maddie's name come up on his caller ID, but he knew he wasn't in any shape to talk with her at that moment. He let it go to voicemail, making a mental note to call her back the moment he'd manage to pull himself together…if he ever did. He moved his hand to his face rubbing his eyes that were starting to burn. He was surprised when he felt the wetness on his fingertips, but wasn't sure why, he'd cried at lesser heartaches where Rayna was involved.

He played back the pivotal moment in his head for the hundredth time. _Luke looked up at Rayna then out at the crowd nervously smiling, but still cocky like always. Controlling the situation. "You're not going to turn me down in front of all these people, are you darling?"_

_Rayna stared back at the crowd, and then at him again, nodding her head. She mumbled softly the words Deacon was hoping he'd only ever hear her say to him when they were alone together in their own private bubble. "Yes, I'll marry you."_

_He knew he had to get out of there, that he couldn't watch this go on anymore without it tearing him apart in a way he thought he might never recover from. He pushed the girls forward towards the stage, as he somehow managed to utter, "go out there and congratulate your mamma."_

_Daphne and Maddie ran out on stage to hug both Rayna and Luke in their moment of sheer bliss and Deacon turned away, making a beeline for his truck. He didn't stop when the road manager asked him if he wanted to grab his guitar, he didn't stop when Bucky asked if he was okay, and he certainly didn't stop when he heard the deafening cheers of the 50,000 people who were ecstatic that the queen and king of country were going to tie the knot._

Deacon finally picked up the phone and hit play on Maddie's voicemail. "Hey dad it's me. Where did you go? Everyone's been wishing mom and Luke congratulations all night long, but I'm just tired and wish you were here. Call me tomorrow, maybe we can look for that guitar we were talking about. I love you."

The tears started to stream down Deacon's face with more force. He kept telling himself that he was lucky. He had Maddie and no one, not Teddy, not Luke, no one could take his daughter away from him. She's all he needed. If he was the more introspective type he might have considered that he'd replaced his undying devotion to Rayna with one for Maddie, but people would never say that a obsessively devoted father was unhealthy like they would say about someone who was equally devoted to an ex-lover. He stood up shaking off the day the best he could and crawled into bed. He pulled out his phone and texted Maddie. "Sorry I had to leave. Let's look for the guitar on Sunday. Love you too. – Dad." Deacon took another deep breath and put the phone on his bedside table, before finally managing to drift off to sleep.

""

He was awoken in the morning by a knock on the door. He looked at the clock through bleary eyes. It read 9:45. He thought it might be Maddie concerned about him. He pulled on some sweatpants and a t-shirt and padded over to the door. When he opened it he felt his heart make a distinct thud that he was trying his hardest to control. It wasn't Maddie, it was Rayna.

"Hey Ray, what's going on?"

"Maddie said she'd left her cleats here the other day and she needs them for her soccer game this afternoon. Can I come in and grab them?"

Deacon unblocked the opening to the door gesturing for her to come in. He tried to ignore the ring perched on her left ring finger, but it was so large that he was thinking they could probably see it all the way in Chattanooga. He took another deep breath while Rayna searched, rubbing his face with his hand again. "I guess I'm owing you a congratulations." he managed to mumble.

"What?" Rayna asked as she was kneeling besides Deacon's couch looking under the structure.

"I said Congratulations Ray…on the engagement." It took all his energy and concentration to get it out. He thought the least she could do was acknowledge the sentiment.

Rayna stood up and shifted back and forth on her feet. "Oh yeah, that." She played with the ring on her finger haphazardly. "Thanks I guess."

A confused smirk made its way across Deacon's features. "What do you mean you guess?"

Rayna shifted her eyes back and forth, avoiding his gaze. "I don't know, do you think it's kind of soon? Luke and I have only been dating a few months. I mean, I just got divorced from Teddy and I haven't even met his daughter Sage yet."

Deacon was trying his hardest to hold it together and act as aloof as possible. He didn't want her seeing how broken up he was about her engagement. "I don't know Ray, you're the only one who can decide if it's too soon. What is too soon anyway? When it's right, it's right so why wait?" Deacon looked up at her finally catching her gaze. "I know for me, I wouldn't want to wait a second more than I had to if I could be with the woman I loved for the rest of my life." They held each other's gaze for a moment too long and Deacon could see the sadness start to creep into Rayna's eyes before it became too much and they both had to look away.

"Do you think I should marry him Deacon?"

Deacon collected himself before answering. "How is that any of my business Rayna. If you love him and you want to spend your life with him, then yeah, I guess so."

"I'm not asking you what you think I want to do, I'm asking if _you_ think I should marry him. After all, you know me better than anyone."

Deacon shifted uncomfortably, he knew what she wanted him to say, she wanted him to put himself out there, to make himself vulnerable, to put his heart in her hands and give her the power to crush it with her slender fingertips if she wanted to, the way that she'd done many times before. This time there was no way in hell he was falling for that. "What do you want me to say Rayna? You tell me what you're looking for me to say and maybe I'll say it."

Rayna got quiet for a long time and fiddled with the ring again. "Do you ever miss me Deacon? Do you ever miss us?"

He didn't want to, but something deep inside of him that was uncontrollable made him take a step towards her. "Sure I do, sometimes I miss you so much I don't think I'll be able to go on without it consuming me. But then I remember that you said we were over with for good, and I've accepted that, so...Do you ever miss me?"

Rayna stepped towards him as well until there was less than a foot separating them. When she spoke it was tinged with the emotion that she so rarely showed to anyone but him. "All the time. I don't want to. I just want to love Luke, and have things be simple, but I do miss you so much." He could see the pools of liquid forming in her eyes and he reached up with his thumb to wipe a tear away as it escaped. He brushed it against the heat of her cheek as she looked up at him. The passion between them was undeniable. It had always been like this, no matter how much distance they'd tried to put between them over the years, the pull towards each other was something they'd never been able to control. Their mouths hovered mere inches away from the other's taking in one another's breaths until Rayna leaned forward closing the gap. Almost immediately the intensity overwhelmed them. Their lips hungered for each other, sucking and grasping, feeling the pulse of each other's tongues. It was so wonderful and she tasted so good, but something felt off.

All of a sudden Deacon pulled back, resting his forehead on Rayna's. "We can't do this Ray. I may not want you to marry Luke, but you are engaged to him. I know what it's like to be cheated on, and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone."

Rayna nodded her head silently in agreement, but then she made the mistake of looking into Deacon's eyes again and before she knew it their hands were in each other's hair and their mouths were tasting and licking in a desperate need that could only be quenched by the other. After a minute Rayna pulled away this time. "No, you're right we can't do this. I have to figure things out with Luke. I can't run away from my problems anymore. I have to face them head on."

"What are you going to do?" Deacon asked.

"For once," Rayna said as she collected Maddie's cleats. "I'm going to listen to my heart."


End file.
